Will Never Forget

My life changed 3 years ago on this day. Was scheduled to have my colon removed due to a blockage that had formed in a couple of months and was found on a follow up colonoscopy. Leading up to that test I knew something was wrong, the pain I was having was not normal. Usually I would get stomach aches but it was because I usually ate something that was not going to agree with me and my Crohns.

Was not scared going into surgery or what may have caused the blockage to form, it was the unknown of waking up with a colostomy bag attached to my side. No way was I prepared to live the rest of my life with it, this was by far the biggest fear I had. Yes I would of adapted and moved on, but it would of changed me and prevented me from doing things I love to do I think. Surgery was a success, woke up and there was no bag. I have about 4 inches of healthy colon that was able to be saved and re-attached, everything would be back to normal after the healing process.

Leading up to the surgery I knew I needed to change, was stuck in a rut of working long hours and eating fast food daily, smoking and drinking to mention my other bad habits. There was no exercise in my routine, thought about it but never fully committed. Leaving the hospital was going to be a fresh start for me and made up my mind to commit and stick to a plan. Plus being in the hospital for seven days and no solid food gave me a good head start in losing weight.

So happy that I stuck with the plan. I am in the best shape of my life and enjoy eating healthy everyday and look forward to a cheat meal every once in awhile. Now it is hard for me to take a rest day, complete opposite of how I once was.

Was happy to be out of the hospital, but still confined to my parent's house, not cleared by the doctors to drive or do any physical activites. I was still moving pretty slow around the house and not sleeping well, the pain of healing and having 30 some staples in my stomach did not help. Hoping that it would not take long to get cleared, as I needed to have some alone time back in Minnesota and irritated that I was not able to exercise (was not doing crossfit at this point). Everyday I was moving a little bit faster, but sleeping was difficult, could never really get comfortable and when I did the pain would kick in and wake me up. Usually every night around 3 or 4am I would wake up and not be able to fall back asleep, so I would just have to watch TV on the couch until I fall back asleep for a few more hours. This went on for weeks, and I knew once I was starting to get more mobile I would start chemo.

The only reason I was going to get chemo was because of my age, very rare for someone in there early thirties to get colon cancer. My odd's were greatly increased with being diagnosed with Crohns Disease when I was 17, surprised I didn't have any major problems before then since the severity of my case.
All I could think about chemo was what I heard and saw, would I lose my hair, how would I feel, what other side effects would take place. I mean they are injection a poison into my system and have no clue what to expect.

Leaving the Hospital

Well after spending a week in the hospital I was cleared to be discharged, still had a long way to go for full recovery. Was going to spend my time at my parent's house until I was able and cleared by my doctor, I was still moving pretty slow and was not able to drive myself yet.

It was good to be out of the hospital and some place comfortable, even though I was not. Still had quite a bit of pain and starring down at 27 staples in your stomach doesn't help much. Moving around was a slow process but was getting better everyday, sleeping on the other hand was limited. Every night around 4am I would wake up with pain on my sides so I would get up and watch TV until I fell back asleep. Still to this day I can not sleep on my sides, always have to fall asleep on my back, being in the hospital changed my sleeping patterns, even after three years. Think it has to do with the nurses coming into my room every couple hours to check on me, probably why any little noise wakes me up. One night I was woken up by siren from a fire truck, they seemed really close to the house, usually heard them since the station was only a couple blocks away, but that night was different. Could not fall back asleep so I decided to start peaking out the windows to find out what was going on, walked to the bathroom window and instantly saw the lights of the truck and then noticed one of the houses on the other street was on fire. Watching this gave me some entertainment before I was tired enough to fall back a sleep, nobody was hurt in the fire, just there garage was totalled.

About a week after I was released it was time to go see my oncologist. Was pretty sick of doctor visits at this point and lately was not in a good mood from being stuck in the house all day. Was recommended to him by my other doctors and they stated he was the best around. My appointment was for 4 o'clock and was hoping it was going to be a quick visit. Not so much, we sat there for 2 hours and still did not get called back into the room, at this point I was getting pissed and just wanted to go home, but my mom was having no part in that so we continued to wait. Well another 2 hrs went by and we finally were called back at 8pm, was really pissed and hungry at this point. probably waited another half hour before he came into the room.
I was ready to scream at him by the time he saw me, but I bit my tongue and just answered his questions and listened to him.

So I was diagnosed with stage two cancer of the colon, could have been a lot worse if my gastro doctor was not so persistent on my colonoscopies. When I had my surgery they removed all of the bad areas and the tumor, I am left with about 4" of my colon. He proposed that I start chemotherapy once I week for an hour and half and I would get it for six months straight. Was pretty scared at this point, tried to postpone getting chemo but he said it would be best to start right away.

Time for surgery

Ok back to the story, has been to long since I posted anything.

Well there was no way out of getting myself out of this one, surgery was the only option. The major question was I going to live a normal life or one with a colostomy bag. Knowing my luck it would be the bag.

My internal medicine doctor referred me to one of the best surgeon in the area. No time was wasted getting in to see him for a consultation and do a check up on me. I gelt comfortable with him and he had a 95% success rate with completing the surgery and no bag. There was no time to waste, it was Wednesday when I went in for my consultation and surgury was scheduled for the following Monday. I was not expecting it to happen so soon, still had my apartment in Minnesota because I was hoping to get called back to work. So we set up the time and filled out the paperwork to get it scheduled. Was some what relieved that I had a good chance of living a normal life, but having a bag was still in the back of my mind.

Had a lot to do in the next couple of days before I was going to admitted into the hospital. It had been awhile since I was at my apartment so my dad and I decided to head there on Friday and return on Saturday so we all could try and relax a little bit before the big day. Headed out early Friday  morning, we were going to spend about 18 hrs in the car in the next day and half.  Friday night was going to be the last day I could eat, had to fast for two days before my surgery. Knew excactly where my last meal was going to be, headed straight to The Nook in St. Paul, they have the best burger and fries I had ever had. So my dad I enjoyed  a couple of burgers and fries before we headed back to my apartment to gather some clothes and other stuff I was going to need. Relaxed for awhile at my place and went to bed early since we had to hit the road in the am to get back to Michigan.

Well Monday morning came around before I knew it and it was time to head to the hospital for my surgery, I was used to going to the hospital this was not my first surgery but by far the scariest one to date where I was not sure on the outcome. Everything was going has planned, was taken into the prep where the checked my vitals and all the other good stuff. I was getting a little nervous at this point, but they gave me some valium and set up my epidural, still feeling a little tense. It was go time, they finally rolled me into the surgery room, all I remember is switching beds and starring at the lights and the doctor telling me to brathe easy and relax cause they started to inject the meds into me. Next thing I remembered was waking up briefly in the recovery room and kicking at someone, never came out from meds angry but then again was never under for four hrs. I was told I was not to friendly for awhile in the recovery room. I guess the first thing I did was check my side for a bag and there was none, everything went has planned.

Still was not out of the woods though, lucky that my doctor's found the blockage/tumor in time. It was growing at a very aggressive rate and did start to pierce my intestinal linning. Was going to have to see a oncologist once I left the hospital to see what my next step would be.

Disappointed Again

Today's post has nothing to do with my cancer story, just need to get these feelings out. I will get back to that story in my next post.

By now most of you who read my blog know"s that my life hasn't been the greatest the past couple years but I continue to hold my head up and stay positive and move forward. It is hard some day's. Finally about a month ago things were looking to change into a positive. Ever since I lost my job as a construction manager, I have been trying to get back into that with my old company and pretty much every home builder out there. With in two days I recieved two phone calls from national builders, one being my old company. Finally after three years of sending out resume's I was getting some calls back. Unfortuantly both were out of state, but I am willing to move to get where I went to be in life. I set up phone interviews with both of them and they went well, never heard back from one and my old employer called me back the next day to set up a second interview in Charlotte. Was happy to finally get some good news. Flew down to Charlotte a week later to meet the project managers and walk the sites, everything went great and they said the would contact me in a couple of days. I knew things went well since I recieved calls from my old bosses in MN that they were checking on my references.

Well I week or so went by and I never heard anything, was not that concerened and sent an e-mail to follow up and see if they made a decision on the position. There reply was that there was no decision and that they were waiting on final approval and would be in touch with me soon, I was under the impression that they had the approval already to hire somebody, why else would you have sombody fly in for a interview. So a couple more weeks went by and still no answer, at this point I just wanted to know, good or bad. Followed up last week with another quick e-mail to see if they had any new info for me. Unfortuantly today I got the bad news that they were putting a hold on hiring sombody, so either it is true or just a nice way of trying to tell me I did not get the job. Just very frustrating thinking that my dreams and goals I have set for myself may never come true.

Luckly  I have had some very good friends that have kept me employed the last year and a half and I am greatful for that but would love to be building houses again. I know they saying "everything happens for a reason", just wish I knew what that reason was.

Crazy Couple Months

So everything was going good, I was healthy and feeling great. I had a oppurtinity to move to Minnesota for my job as a construction manager for a national builder, never thought of moving away from Michigan but if things went well it would move me up in the company faster. So not knowing anyone out there I backed up my stuffed and moved.

The move to come with some headaches though, I did not want to find another gastro doctor so I would travel back to Michigan to get my colonscopies done because I trusted him and had a good connection with him. In Minnesota I just went to a family doctor for blood work and any minor issues, he would send all the reports back to MI to keep my regular doctor in the loop. So for three yars this worked out great.

Now came 2009 when the shit hit the fan as usually. I came back home to get my colonscopy done, this was routine and I would spend some time with family and friends while I was in town. Test went good but there were polyps in my colon, no big deal because I have had them before. We scheduled another colonoscopy for a couple months to remove them. Life contiuned in MN where I was finally comfortable living there and found a good group of friends. So I return back home for another long weekend and for my test, removed the polyps and everything was good and the polyps were negative for cancer. Wasn't worried about that anyways. Once again we scheduled a third test in three months so my doctor could check the area to make sure he did not puncture the colon walls, which was wierd because we never did this before. So if one a year wasn't bad enough I was getting three within the year.

Well between the second and third test I was laid off from my job, it sucked because I loved what I was doing but saw it coming since the market was almost hitting the bottom. Luckly I was let go in the summer and was giving a nice severance package. So I decided to take some time to myself before getting another job. I was fortunate that I had to contractors that were willing to bring me on, but I was still getting paid and wanted to have some fun and relax first.

It was getting close to the third colonscopy and I was getting a lot of pain in my stomach. Something that I never experienced before, I know my body and this was not right. So I planned on heading back to MI a little bit early and go see my doctor for an office visit to explain my situation. I was just going to drive back,  the pain was hit or miss on certain days. And of course the day of driving it was at it's worse, at times thought about stopping at a hospital but thought it was better to gut it out and make it back to my parents house. It was pretty bad were I was getting hot flashes at certain points, the drive was not fun at all. Finally made it home and was able to get into the doctors office the next day. He wasn't to sure what the problem was so he gave me some pain meds and moved up my colonscopy.

Well I had my colonscopy a couple days later, the pain was not going away. So it was no surprise to me when I woke up in recovery and he came and talked to me that there was bad news. There was a blockage in my colon and he could not even get to the area where my polyps were. So I was told that I would have to have surgery to remove my colon. I freaked out because all I could think about was that I would be stuck living the rest of my life with a  clostomy bag, this was not what I wanted being young and active. So we needed to scheduled the surgery fairly soon.

Left the hospital with the parent's and headed out to the lakehouse so we all could relax, but it was hard for me because all I thought about was trying to live life with a bag and how my life would change for the worse. I did do some research on this and there were options of getting my colon removed and not getting a bag, but my luck has never been the greatest and I always think worse case and never the positive.

Just another flare up, so I thought

So I was finally getting used to being diagonosed with Crohn's at a young age and knew what I had to do to live a normal life. Most day's were good, but seeemed liked I had a flare up a couple times a month. I adapted and knew the signs of when it was going to be a bad day. Sometimes it was my fault, specially when I decided to eat food that I wasn't allowed to, didn't have much self control back then.

The next 10 years were pretty normal with going to visit my doctor every three months for check-ups and a yearly colonoscopy. They did get easier and new preps were available that made it easier for me. The one I took most was taking 40 pills, 20 pills at 4:00PM and then the rest at 7:00.

I did have a really bad flare up so I thought in my late twenties, woke up about 4:00AM with stomach pain that I never felt before. Thought that if I ate some saltines and milk that the pain would go away. Not so much, tossed and turned the rest of the night until I had to get up and go to work. By mid-morning the pain was not going away, decided to leave work and try and sleep it off, I had Taco Bell the night before which was not good for me. Figured it would pass through my system and tha pain would be gone, not so much. Woke up from an hour nap and still in pain. Decided to call my mom, who worked at a hospital and told here my situation and to meet me at the emergency room. Was figuring the doctors would check me out call my gastro doctor and I would be out of there in no time, pain did not pass as they observed me for a couple hrs, finally the gave me some pain meds but that only dulled the pain. Of course my gastro doctor was out of town on vacation so they admitted me into the hospital cause they no idea of what was wrong with me. Was not expecting this and it was the first time I was going to stay in a hospital so I was pretty nervous, by this time the pain was getting worse and the nurses were waiting on the doctors to prescribe me something stronger.  Tried to sleep but that wasn't working out to good cause of the pain. Eventually they started giving me morphin every 4 hours which dulled the pain. None of the doctors knew what was wrong, the figured it had to be related to my Crohns so they started drawing blood and taking other test's but came up with nothing. It seemed they had no clue and irritable, especial one nurse. Was going in for a test where they were going to take x-rays of my abdomen, no problem I thought until she told me I had to drink some fluids, well we all know how I feel about that. Told her that I have a bad gag reflex and that I didn't want to drink it and find another way. She wasn't happy and told me to drink it and I had to get they x-ray, so I proceded to tell her it wasn't going to end well, no remorse from her and she still replied with you must drink it. So I manned up and tried to suck it down, managed to get a couple gulps down before it came back up all over her floor. She was pissed, I just looked at her and kinda said I told you I was going to get sick. By day three I was still having severe pain and no answers from the doctors on staff, at this point they were out of blood test and I did most of there scans with nothing coming up. There solution was to cut me open and see what was going on inside of me. My family and I strongly agreed this was not going to happen, not unless my main doctor was present. So I set in the hospital for another three days on pain meds until my doctor would return from vacation.

So finally on the sixth day my doctor was back from his vacation, he finally made his rounds to me in the middle of they afternoon. He asked me some questions about the pain and asked me about a rash on my face, I thought it was just acne. He thought the rash and the pain was due to shingles, which was wierd at the time because I guy I worked with had a mild case of it a couple of weeks back before I was sick. I mentioned this to him, he ordered some blood test's to check for it. Couple hours later the test results were back and I had shingles. Its amazing that all they other doctors never asked me about the rash and just assumed it had to due with my crohns, this is why I will never leave him as a paitent. They prescribed my some new medication and observed me for another night. By the next morning the pain was going away and I was able to get discharged that afternoon.